It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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