if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
