He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
