we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
