I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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