He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
