Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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