i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
