There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize