You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
