Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
