'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
