I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
