You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My liver just had a heart attack.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
