Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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