I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
