I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
