Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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