Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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