my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
