I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize