a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
