I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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