why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
