You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
