Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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