It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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