We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
