I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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