It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
