How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My ass is underappreciated
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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