First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
