It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
