There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
