PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
