.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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