I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
