You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
