Just took my morning after pill in the library
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
