If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
