Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize