you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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