No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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