First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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