She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
