I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
