Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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