mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize