HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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