Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
