i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
