the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
