Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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