I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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