Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
