somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
