At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
