So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
