remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
soo... how was my night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
