I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
