I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've blown a few things in my day
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
