$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
