Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize