Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
