is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
