i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
