Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
