My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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